Self-Focus
For a refresher, I’ve found that a healthy art practice involves (at least) these 4 things:
It's intentional.
It's self focused.
It requires devotion.
It calls for honesty.
In the previous post, I talked about what an intentional practice looks like, and how so many of us creative people feel that ‘having talent’ means we shouldn't have to work at it. And then when it does take work, we draw the wrong conclusion that we don't have talent after all. I spent years with this mentality. So when I really began to correct this distorted definition of talent, I was finally ready to be intentional about my practice.
But there was one problem: I didn't feel I deserved to spend so much time, money, focus, and attention on myself and my work. It felt indulgent. It felt selfish.
I had raised 2 children, was still caring for one of them due to health constraints, and now was living with my original family to be available to aging parents. So, focusing on my work--well, that kind of devotion and self-focus had been conditioned out of me LONG ago. It just felt wrong.
Then one day, it hit me--cliche, but true:
If not now, then when? When is it my turn?
If I wasn't willing to do it for myself now, when would I ever be willing? When will be the time that it will NOT feel selfish to focus on me primarily? In that moment, I saw the flaw in my thinking on this subject and I became willing, and I've seized my chance every day since. I practice, I develop my skills and my knowledge, I search my life experience for valuable things that I can cultivate and send back into the world because I deserve to feel what that feels like.
If any of this resonated with you, then I'm guessing you have also given a lot to other people, to jobs, to the dreams or plans of others. If so, you are blessed. But it's also not solely what you're here for. You get to decide that, and it is good and right that whatever you decide you're here for has everything to do with you, and no one else.
Here's the really amazing thing: as soon as I made this decision, something in my world shifted and my creativity began to open up. Owning my own development was crucial to a healthy art practice for me, but not just that—it was crucial to a healthy ME. As it is for you.
